The basics

Nonverbal attending

Minimal encouragers

Closed questions

Open questions

Perception checks

Paraphrasing

Reflection of feelings

The basis for effective helping is good listening

Parents and teachers exchange a great deal of information without using words. Our eyes, facial expression, posture, and body positioning signal our emotions (even thoughts) to others

Eye contact

For many speakers, the most powerful nonverbal signal is eye contact. When we focus on a person's face or eyes, the message can be that we are paying attention or are interested in what the person is saying

Comfortable eye contact is an individual, even a group, decision

Eyes up!

To look away is usually interpreted as a sign of disrespect, anger, or other negative affect

This is usually not the case among many immigrants from Asian, Latin American, and Caribbean cultures, who avoid eye contact as a sign of respect. Be aware of the differences in eye contact and don't be quick to make quick cultural conclusions

Other nonverbal examples

Facial expressions (e.g., smile, frown)

Movements of the head, limbs, entire body

Touch

Nonverbal signals can provide recognition of the other person, provide encouragement, indicate interest

Smiles

A smile connotes an open, happy, and friendly demeanor, but in many countries, a smile can cover embarrassment, happiness, confusion, and even anger. In some cultures, smiling in a formal situation is interpreted as a lack of respect

Different cultures have evolved a wide variety of different cues in which everyone in that culture participates. Gender, age, and status can affect the "correct" response in a social situation

Factors

Nonverbal attending can be affected by cultural and personal factors. Some people are more responsive to specific forms of attending

Physical proximity has been shown to vary widely across cultural groups. Some groups converse within 12" of a partner; other groups must be 18" or more apart to feel comfortable

Sounds and words that keep the conversation going

Sounds like "hmm" or "uhm" and words like "O.K." and "oh" can be used to let another speaker know that you are listening, interested, open for more information. You are encouraging the other person to tell you more

Factors

Voice level, pitch, fluency of speech can influence how the parent interprets your minimal encouragers

Combined with nonverbal attending, minimal encouragers provide a powerful signal to the parent--Please keep talking!

Closed questions tend to have a yes/no answer or a narrow, even single possible response (e.g., age, weight)

Serve to

Narrow the topic of discussion

Obtain specific details

Give focus to a conversation

Specify definitions of a problem or issue

Impact

Closed questions are very effective in limiting the scope of a parent's comments. You will be able to elicit specific items of information and check details

If your intent is to stimulate the parent to provide an opinion or information on a topic on which you have little prior knowledge, the technique will be of little value

Primary purposes

Begin an interview

Encourage elaboration to obtain broad information

Elicit examples of behaviors, feelings, and thoughts

Motivate the parent to communicate

When to use

Open questions are important early in a relationship, when both persons don't know much about each other

Open questions draw out information-- "What have you done to discipline Susie at home?"

Open questions allow the speaker to elicit opinions and emotions

Question about a feeling. A perception check is an important signal--tentative, highlights affect, willingness to listen. Use when information can be used

Two forms

Closed: "Were you upset yesterday?"

Open: "How did you feel when he yelled at you"

Rephrasing of the content of the parent's comments. Helps to provide a focus on the words, themes used

Functions as an anchor for subsequent discussion

Can be distinguished from similar techniques used in counseling

Functions to

Encourage the parent to express feelings

Focus the parent's attention directly on feelings

Help the parent to consider the impact of affect on actions and thoughts

Guide the parent to acknowledge and manage feelings

Help parent to discriminate among feelings