“Even if they’ve been paying for their University parking spaces for years and years, pretty soon UI employees are going to have to start worrying about losing them.” Rick Shaw, assistant to the assistant director of UI parking and transportation services, discussing a new prioritization of the University’s parking spaces that gives preference to first-year undergraduates who come to campus with their new BMW, Lexus, or other luxury sedan or SUV. (Light? What Light? Student Driver Magazine, April 1).
“He’ll answer to ‘Sko-ball,’ certainly, but if you really want to be the president’s friend, try anything with ‘meister.’ He loves that.” Amos Kidder, special assistant to the president, responding to a recent spike in the UI president’s popularity since his registration at www.thefacebook.com, where nearly 1,000 U.S. college students have signed up to become friends with the president, invited him to join student groups, and asked about his preference for particular nicknames (Storyville (Ill.) Free Press, March 32).
“What we’re observing, and what we’re teaching students, is that the news often isn’t interesting enough. What’s more—take the issue of confidential sourcing—reporting the news can land you a cozy spot in a federal prison. The only thing left for journalists to do is to make stuff up.” Jay Blairson, director of the new School of Journalism and Creative Communications, commenting on national events that have prompted the J-school to join forces with the Iowa Writers’ Workshop. (Wiley (Tex.) Reporter, Feb. 29).
“When Pavarotti called and said he wanted to take the production on tour, we knew we had a winner.” P. Donna Soprano, visiting director of the UI Martha-Ellen Tye Opera Theatre, referring to the debut of Il volo di Herky il Hawkeye in March in Hancher Auditorium (Gotham City Herald, Feb. 29).
“John Cleese is on to something.” Hank Machete, visiting fellow of unnecessarily invasive medical procedures, referring to the Monty Python comic’s infamous “funny walk” shtick and its recent emergence as a therapeutic method for patients recovering from spinal disc surgery and back injury. (PAJAMA, Feb. 30, 2005).
“They can get horses to do that.” Gull Ible, UI film studies major, debating the long-held animal husbandry theory that it’s possible to get a horse to hold its legs straight up in the air while lying on its back, as done in the 1978 cult-classic film Animal House. (Horse and Driver, April 1.)