A return from the world of silence

The following are excerpts from Kim Afana's diary as she chronicled her feelings during the first day with audiologist Mary Lowder and other staff members at University Hospitals and Clinics.

1/19/98

Today was my hookup day following cochlear implant surgery on 12/12/97....I should be really excited but I've tried to keep my expectations low so that I'm not disappointed. I meet with Mary Lowder, the audiologist, and one of my biggest proponents for having the implant. Mary has 2 PCs set up in her office a few feet from each other. Both are running Windows-based programs of the speech mapping software. One is to be used to map the right ear and one for the left....Mary decides to start with my right ear....I am listening to computer-generated tones and am supposed to indicate at what point the sound is loud but one that I can listen to for a long time....We proceed through the testing for all 22 channels until the upper levels are set. We then run through the channels to determine if the loudness is the same across all the channels....Next we go through all 22 channels, finding the point at which I first hear sound on them. This is a lot more difficult for me.... we are, well they are, ready to try my right ear "live." I'm still apprehensive. I now know I'll hear something but am reluctant to find out what.

	A cochlear implant receiver
Kim Afana holds the microphones and speech processors that are contained in small units about the size of a deck of cards and can be carried in a pocket or clipped to a belt. photos by Tom Jorgensen

I have sound! Mary's talking to me asking if her voice is too loud or too soft. When I answer, I'm shocked to hear my own voice. It's kind of like watching a dubbed movie where the actors' mouths move before the sound comes out. My voice also sounds very monotone and honestly I don't like the sound of it....Mary and Carolyn Brown (the audiologist who did her electrophysiology testing) have been my rocks, and I honestly don't think I could have gone through all of this without their support and encouragement. Words cannot describe how they have touched my life....I stand up and everyone hugs me and Carolyn whispers congratulations. I didn't cry, but I didn't communicate my emotions very well either. I am happy. I am thrilled things went as well as they did. I know I still have a long road ahead of me.

...I chewed a few pieces of ice in the cup in my room. It was small, crushed ice. How did it sound? Let's put it this way ... I think it's one habit I can now do without.....Next, it was to the parking garage to retrieve the Boost bars....The passing cars were extremely loud and did not sound like cars as I remember them.

Patience prevailed and I made it to my 4-Runner. I've only had my car seven months and have never heard the security system being turned on or off. I was anxious to hear this sound but feared it too would be uncomfortably loud. I was pleasantly surprised by the Roadrunner-like beeps made by the car and laughed when I heard them.

...Mom is supposed to be watching my son at my house so we try that (telephone) number....Mary introduces herself and explains to my mom what we're doing....She wants to know if I want to talk to my son, which I'm dying to do.

"Hi Mommy," he says. What wonderful words to hear....I ask him what he thinks about talking to me on the phone. His response is "cool." Yeah, I have to agree, it is pretty cool.

...Time to venture out of the room and discover new sounds....Because of the holiday, there are very few people in the building so it is relatively quiet. There are a few sounds I'm able to enjoy though. The first is the sound of a 2- or 3-year-old boy saying "hi" to me as he walked across the lobby. It was only one small word from one small, beautiful child, but it was very clear and very pleasant and I know I gave him a great big smile in return.

...What an eventful day. I'm ready to return to my world of silence-only because I have to. How wonderful it would be to hear the sounds of the night. "Goodnight stars...goodnight moon," good night noises everywhere.

see also A chance to hear again.