Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Saying "We Have No Creativity At All"

All right, all right, since everybody else is doing it, we might as well jump on the bandwagon (and isn't that the main argument for getting countries to join the EU?) Following is the UIAQC's official lexicon. And if old what's-his-face who reviews lexica doesn't like it, he can sit on a tack (ouch!), sit on a tack (ouch!), sit on a tack (ouch!).

ACF. (acronym, Academic Competitions Federation) Second of the Big Three academic formats to be founded. Players here are rewarded more for having deep knowledge about a few subjects than for having basic knowledge about a lot of subjects. The place for the most "serious" Quiz Bowlers, and therefore not generally a favorite format at Iowa.

Albania. National economy was wrecked by Ponzi schemes. After the fall of Communism, someone stole both the nation's entire cattle population and the railroad leading to Montenegro. One of the nations most frequently insulted by Iowa players (along with Moldova, Belarus, Liberia, and France).

Bacco. Bad name, great food. This restaurant in the North End of Boston caused many a pleasant overly-full stomachache at TRASHionals 2003.

Bad Form. Iowa players who buzz in after the other team has negged and before the end of the question usually earn this admonition from their teammates, because as long as the other team can't answer, you might as well wait for the giveaway.

Beefpile, Stud. Witry's standard guess for the name of a hero of a trashy novel. Has not been correct yet, but just you wait.

Bentley College. Site of Iowa's last CBI Nationals appearance. A posh business school in suburban Boston. Also the alma mater of former Liberian president Charles Taylor.

"Beverly Hills, 90210." A favorite TV series of Angie, Heather, and, somewhat surprisingly, the otherwise super-manly Dave.

Bleeth, Yasmine. Her arrest for a 48-hour cocaine bender did not detract from how freaking hot she is, according to Dave.

Brazilian Soccer Player Round. (from tendency to use only one name) An Iowa term for the occasional round in which only last names for people who are answers are provided. Ex. "Q. Who shot Abraham Lincoln? A. Booth"

Bryannnnnnnnn, William Jennings. Correct pronunciation of the name of the noted turn-of-the-century statesman. Prompted by a memorable, game-breaking mistake at a recent high school tournament.

Buffalo Wild Wings. Bar and grill located in Old Capitol Mall. The current site of post-practice festivities, due to NTN trivia and fifty-cent wings on Wednesday nights.

Buzzer abuse. Habit found among many players, especially those of a certain school somewhat southeast of us, of leaping out of one's chair and applying the full force of their bodies to the buzzer. The reason we have a "Buzzer Repair" line in our budget.

CBI (acronym, College Bowl, Inc.) Old, creaky national competition of widely varying difficulty. Iowa played until recently, when the absurd costs of buying questions and hauling around an "institutional representative" became too much for our budget. Uses unique method of dealing with competing formats - pretending they don't exist. Will be back on TV Real Soon Now(tm).

Expatriates, noted American. Term used to refer to players who study in Europe. Past noted American expatriates have included Molly, Lindsay, Ose, Frank, and Troy.

Finger, the. Traditional Iowa response to practice-time insults and taunting. The more creative the usage, the better.

Freud, Sigmund. All psychologists and social scientists break with him somewhere during the tossup. Lindsay broke with him at practice.

Friend of the Program. Awarded to anyone who is not in the club but helps it in some way, such as those who donate print-account money to print off packets.

German. Only foreign language in which Iowa QB players regularly provide answers, especially "Kindertotenlieder" and "Die Tot in Venedig," pronounced in one's best German nihilist accent.

G**rilla Bowl. Iowa team's sort-of-annual-almost one-on-one tournament. Past winners have included Robert, Trevor, and Witry. Asterisks allow interpretation of the name as either "Gorilla" or "Guerilla", depending on personal preference.

Heel turn. Point in a pro wrestler's storyline in which they go from a "good guy" to a "bad guy". Matt has tried several times to find a way to implement heel turns in Quiz Bowl (such as a post-match beatdown), but was unsuccessful until his 2002 TRASHionals entry, "Hundred-aire Matt's Wrasslin' War Packet."

Hose. A tossup with misleading information. According to Matt, nearly every Civil War question ever written is a hose.

Johnson, Erik. Is sorry.

Journey. Rock band usually fronted by Steve Perry. Witry insists that they are better than the Beatles. Nearly everyone disagrees.

Judge, the. Buzzer system preferred by the UIAQC. Generally durable and travel-friendly. Airport security usually believes anything that looks that much like a bomb would be far too obvious for any potential terrorist. Made by Minnesota-based Electromatic, primarily for a Bible Bowl competition.

Mascots. An unofficial but popular part of the QB circuit. Past Iowa mascots have included a brick, Russian stacking dolls, a Mr. T Wobbly Head Toy, and a Kevin Nash soft-drink coozy.

Oscar of Coral Ridge. Small wooden pig contested between Iowa and Minnesota QB teams. (cf. Floyd of Rosedale)

Peter Piper Pizza. The one located in Kalamazoo, Michigan has been a post-tournament stop for the Shelby Foote Soldiers twice. Nothing helps one unwind after a strenuous tournament like Skee-Ball.

Phi Upsilon Kappa. The fraternity into which many UIAQC members have been inducted.

Shelby Foote Soldiers. Name of Iowa's recurring TRASH entry, inspired by the noted Civil War historian.

Sticked Foods. The goods available to those lucky enough to attend the Iowa State Fair. Selections this year included, along with the routine fare of corn dogs and tenderloins, Salad on a Stick.

This Tournament Goes To 11. Iowa's pretty-much-annual fall tournament. Each round, competing teams are split in half to do battle against the two halves of another team on two different packets, which all generally have some sort of theme (i.e. Italy, Astronomy, Belly Up to the Bard, The 28,000kr Pyramid). Scoring is done by point differential - the most standing points a team can get in a match is 11, hence the name.

TRASH (acronym, Testing Recall About Strange Happenings) Tournament circuit dealing with non-academic questions. A traditional favorite of Iowa teams, who perform well.

Trevor Bowl. Named for Iowa legend Trevor Schultz. He was endowed with an uncanny ability to remember the questions and situation in which any packet he had played on before had occured. (Ex. About two lines into the first tossup of a practice packet, Trevor rings in: "It's the Schwartzchild radius. Then the bonus is about Revolutionary War battles, and, Matt, remember, you got twenty, then tossup two is Looking Backwards and Carleton got a power...") Also played occasionally by Tim.

UISG. (acronym, University of Iowa Student Government) Funds and sponsors the UI Academic Quiz Club, at least to some extent. The rest comes from tournament hosting proceeds and from our own pockets.

Vine, the. Former home of post-practice festivities, possibly owned by former NBA "legend" Brad Lohaus. Health inspectors plus cheap food prompted the switch to Buffalo Wild Wings (cf.)

Whiskey's. A restaurant visited by Matt and Ose in Boston. After a few minutes, it dawned on them that they had travelled two thousand miles to eat in an Iowa theme restaurant.

World War I. Fought entirely by future authors driving ambulances.

members: Have an update for the site? Send it to Pete.