Only slightly less emo than the real Zach Sanderson

10 Things to Know about Zach Sanderson:

* Has firm handshake.
* Favorite word is "moist."
* Longs for days when things were "fab."
* Asks all friends and professors to call him "mommy."
* Has wicked curveball. Also, a "slurve" delivered from a three-quarter-arm position that breaks in on right-handers.
* Has understated sex appeal.
* Suffers from chronic Hippy Hippy Shake.
* Lactose-intolerant. Also, holds no real convictions.
* Even in side view mirror, head still appears large.
* As a child, had a toy plastic pony named "Pretty Pegasus" that he would move across the kitchen table, making clip-clop, clip-clop trotting noises as his mother prepared lunch of tomato soup and a toasted cheese sandwich. Sometimes, at the afternoon picture show, he would place Pretty Pegasus on the seat next to him and offer Pretty Pegasus sips of soda and whisper secrets to Pretty Pegasus about how someday, one day, he too would be a star.