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Half of all current illegal drug users started use before they were 16, most with marijuana
Substance Abuse
How to help a friend with an alcohol or drug problem
Talking to someone about a substance abuse problem can be a difficult task so give yourself a pat on the back for being willing to give it a try. Sometimes the concerns expressed by friends are just what we need to make a change.
If you want some more information about how to tell if someone has a problem, make sure to check out our list of warning signs.
The first step in talking to someone about substance abuse is preparation. It's important to be clear about specific concerns you have in regard to your friend's behavior. Writing concerns down can help you with this process. Make sure that your concerns are related to their behavior; remember it's with the behaviors, not the person, that you have a problem. Some examples might be:
- You say mean things when you are drinking
- You have been arrested three times
- You miss class frequently due to hangovers
It may be hard to predict ahead of time what their reaction might be but some common ways people respond may include anger, defensiveness, denial or agreement. People react defensively when they are afraid, so you may have to talk to them more than once about your concerns. Sometimes people will deny a problem even when it seems obvious to you that there is one. They may question your motives or your substance use. Try to remain calm, remember they're scared. Be prepared to address questions about your own substance use but also be ready to tell them how their alcohol or drug use is affecting you. Examples might be:
- When you say mean things, I feel hurt and angry.
- When you get angry while you're drinking, I feel afraid.
- When you don't show up to do things we planned, I feel hurt and rejected.
If your friend continues to deny their problem, then you may have to set limits with them. Don't cover for them. they need to face the consequences of their behavior. Remember that it's not your responsibility to take care of them. They may get angry but do your best to stick to your limits. Also, get support for yourself and talk about your feelings and how your friend's substance abuse is affecting you.
If your friend agrees that there is a problem then talk with them about what their concerns are, what they want to do about it and what kind of support they need from you. Offer to do things with them that don't involve alcohol or drugs. Offer them information about resources they can access for help and volunteer to go with them.
Substance abuse can cause a lot of problems for people as well as for their family and friends. It's hard to bring up problems to a friend, especially when there is a stigma surrounding it, but saying something can be the first step in helping someone change his or her life.
Page updated: 3/27/08
