i just thought you should know a few things
before i take my leave of you all, and it's never easy
to say things that you have to preface, but we all
have to start somewhere, so consider this my chrysalis,
and just hope the change is beautiful:
when we were in the car and the radio sang through dirty sounding
speakers, i didn't want to die, just thought i should come up
with something to say besides "i want to hold your hand" and sometimes
it's very difficult to think up things to say
and when i ran from your locker when we were too young to
run almost (remember those days?) i meant everywhere we were i would
be thinking of you, i just couldn't articulate the possibility
of your cheek against mine ever, and the proximity to realization
was hard to take, i was overwhelmed like when you last turned up in
the living room with her and i took you outside and i apologized for
crying so hard and made feeble attempts through broken vocal chords
to sing you a song of something redemptive for the day, i know i failed
but you could at least hear me now, because i won't be waking for a
while and i needed you to know that the tears and the laughter, despite
what everyone is fond of saying, really didn't add up, and i know
that's wrong, and i just needed you to know that i'm sorry, and hopefully
the next time around won't be so difficult on us all,
i just thought you would like to know.